Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
