i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
