have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
