Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
