A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
