She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
