Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Of course I have a pirate flag
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
