don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize