Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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