oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
