Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
