He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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