i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
