i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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