she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Randomize
