It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
My vagina just recognized that song.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
