Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
