he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
