Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
