She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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