things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
