So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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