Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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