There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
