and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
This baby is an asshole
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
