i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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