so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
