His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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