I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
