dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize