Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I love you. Go after that dick
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
