A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
