i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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