i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
