So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
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It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
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If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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