Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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