a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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