M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
