my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize