She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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