I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
