You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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