I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
