I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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