Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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