Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
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we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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