everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
