It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
