Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
