I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
