I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
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