im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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