was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
