that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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