those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
