my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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