yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
