all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
