WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
