I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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