Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
