I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Operation Purity has been aborted
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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