This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
