i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
