so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize