I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
we're so committed to being not committed
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
the raccoons are back...
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