question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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