So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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