I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
